Today, as I was thinking about the way that my last two to four weeks has been, I realized that I lacked joy in the Lord. What is joy in the Lord exactly? I'm not too sure what the formal definition is, but to me, joy in the Lord is finding continual joy and peace in God. This joy and peace is in my heart but it is exhibited and portrayed in my actions and words. Joy in the Lord has been lacking in my life because I've been so busy and I allowed certain compromises to occur. I stopped journaling consistently and I also stopped reading books about God before I sleep. Journaling normally allows me to do self-reflections on what's really going in my life. Reading books about God turns my thoughts to God before I sleep. With the halting of both activities, little by little, I turned my sights and thoughts away from God and ended up focusing on other things (such as school and the busyness that come with it). Justin McKitterick's sermon last Friday about idols in our hearts is so relevant!
However, God was gracious to show me my sins and the reality of my current heart condition. I am so thankful for the Holy Spirit that acts as my conscience! After God showed me what was wrong, I stumbled upon (more like opened my seldom-used hymn book that I got as a gift in England) a hymn.
Against Thee have I sinned,
Before the King divine
And all my evil is exposed
Before my eyes and Thine.
O hear me as I cry,
Have mercy on my soul;
I come to Thee, O hear my sigh,
Forgive and make me whole.
There is no worthiness
Within my broken heart,
My fallen nature, sore distress
Shall surely be my part;
Unless Thy grace lays hold
With glorious truth to share
And grants me mercy to be bold
When Thou hast shown Thy care.
Create, O God, within
A heart both pure and clean;
Restore my spirit, blot my sin
And let me on Thee lean.
Thy Holy Spirit give,
O never take away!
And grant that He may in me live
To give joy this day.
Thy presence is my light,
Lord, never leave Thine own!
But fill my breast with pure delight
That I am Thine alone.
O take my lips this day,
Thy wonders to proclaim,
To tell of Thy redeeming way,
And magnify Thy fame.
What dost Thou ask of me,
What sacrifice to please?
For nothing in my hands can be
Sufficient to appease.
O look upon my heart,
Now broken, Lord, by grace;
My contrite spirit will nto part,
I'll ever seek Thy face.
- W Vernon Higham
Too good! It makes me wonder why I don't read this book more often. :-P