As I'm sitting home after a long weekend of packing and a long day of driving yest, I'm wondering why I wasn't more emotional this weekend. I always imagined myself bawling at graduation and taking meticulous notes of every time i hung out with a friend or two. But none of that has happened. I know that in college, my circle of friends has become much smaller and my circle of acquaintances has enlarged. Maybe it's because of that that I wasn't so emotional this weekend. I feel like I've become a lot more antisocial in college... haha, sadness. Or maybe it's because many of the friends that I have are Christian and part of me knows that chances are, I'll see them in heaven, so it's not an eternal goodbye. Hm, that sounds cold, huh? Or maybe it's because I've been mentally preparing myself for this time in my life for a long time. Maybe it's because I know I'm not done with school, so this isn't really the transition from school to the real world. Still trying to grapple what graduation from UCLA means.
I don't think I realize how much I will miss Grace Church. I'll be looking for a new home church this summer. Yes, I thought I was going to be at Fifth Home after graduating from college. As I thought about what I wanted in a church: solid teaching that stems from the Bible, emphasis on developing and strengthening the body of Christ through cultivating a spiritual family within the church, and opportunities to serve (those are the three biggest points, and left vague for a reason). I think Fifth Home does cultivate a spiritual family and there are definitely opportunities to serve, but I think it's lacking a consistent presence of the first quality. Still trying to figure things out.
As for school, right now it's between San Jose State and UPenn. Yes, I know it's a drastic difference. But in my mind its spending time with aging parents/family/Jesse vs getting a good education. Sigh, so many things to think about.