Church was humbling today. This past week was humbling. From getting observed by my principal to preparing for Open House at school to preparing for my mom's upcoming surgery (please pray for the doctors' wisdom and God to be glorified in everything that happens) to getting strep throat, it has indeed been a week that God has used to show me how dependent I am on my own strength (and how utterly useless my own strength is)! I remember the days at UCLA or Penn where I would wake up and my first desire would be to spend time with the Lord. Somehow that desire has dimmed since working full-time. How I long for those days again!!
I know that I am in a different phase in my life now. I'm no longer a full-time student with a lot of times on my hands. (And trust me, I
know I had a lot of time from looking at the gifts I gave Jesse when we were in college... how in the world did I manage to hand make all these gifts!? Anyway, I digress.) I am now working full-time, taking care of my mom, and preparing to be a wife. However, regardless of the phase of life I'm in now, my passion for the Lord should only increase as I know Him more. But that's just the problem, I haven't been trying to know Him more through reading the Bible or praying. I've been so dependent on myself that I've essentially put God to the side. How foolish I am to think that I can survive on my own strength, without God's grace!
There is so much head knowledge from my four years at Grace Community Church, but I haven't applied it to my heart in a long time. I've been running on empty for a while now, so it totally makes sense that I would have a horrible work week (will get into that at a later entry) and be the sickest that I've been all year. According to the Psalmist in Psalm 119,
"How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments! I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. Blessed are you, O Lord; teach me your statutes! With my lips, I declare all the rules of your mouth. In the way of your testimonies I delight as much as in all riches. I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways. I will delight in your statutes; I will not forget your word." (Psalm 119:9-16)
The only way that I can seek to honor God, to walk in His ways, to not sin against Him, and to love Him whole-heartedly is by knowing His word! Praise God for the Holy Spirit that convicts us of our sin. Praise God for His abundant mercy on us, sinners who stray from Him daily and are constantly enticed by the fleeting pleasures of this world.