Being a luke-warm Christian

Today, as I was thinking about the way that my last two to four weeks has been, I realized that I lacked joy in the Lord. What is joy in the Lord exactly? I'm not too sure what the formal definition is, but to me, joy in the Lord is finding continual joy and peace in God. This joy and peace is in my heart but it is exhibited and portrayed in my actions and words. Joy in the Lord has been lacking in my life because I've been so busy and I allowed certain compromises to occur. I stopped journaling consistently and I also stopped reading books about God before I sleep. Journaling normally allows me to do self-reflections on what's really going in my life. Reading books about God turns my thoughts to God before I sleep. With the halting of both activities, little by little, I turned my sights and thoughts away from God and ended up focusing on other things (such as school and the busyness that come with it). Justin McKitterick's sermon last Friday about idols in our hearts is so relevant!

However, God was gracious to show me my sins and the reality of my current heart condition. I am so thankful for the Holy Spirit that acts as my conscience! After God showed me what was wrong, I stumbled upon (more like opened my seldom-used hymn book that I got as a gift in England) a hymn.

Against Thee have I sinned,
Before the King divine
And all my evil is exposed
Before my eyes and Thine.
O hear me as I cry,
Have mercy on my soul;
I come to Thee, O hear my sigh,
Forgive and make me whole.

There is no worthiness
Within my broken heart,
My fallen nature, sore distress
Shall surely be my part;
Unless Thy grace lays hold
With glorious truth to share
And grants me mercy to be bold
When Thou hast shown Thy care.

Create, O God, within
A heart both pure and clean;
Restore my spirit, blot my sin
And let me on Thee lean.
Thy Holy Spirit give,
O never take away!
And grant that He may in me live
To give joy this day.

Thy presence is my light,
Lord, never leave Thine own!
But fill my breast with pure delight
That I am Thine alone.
O take my lips this day,
Thy wonders to proclaim,
To tell of Thy redeeming way,
And magnify Thy fame.

What dost Thou ask of me,
What sacrifice to please?
For nothing in my hands can be
Sufficient to appease.
O look upon my heart,
Now broken, Lord, by grace;
My contrite spirit will nto part,
I'll ever seek Thy face.
- W Vernon Higham

Too good! It makes me wonder why I don't read this book more often. :-P

Modesty

I stumbled upon this excerpt on Carolyn Mahaney and her daughters' blog, Girl Talk. Thinking about and helping with Banquet this year, I get excited for it, but I also see where the potential dangers come in. Although this excerpt talks specifically about wedding dresses (don't ask me why I'm reading about that :-P), I think it can be applied to all formal dresses. I know that, by personal experience, that it is really hard looking for a God-honoring formal dress. I used to never have anything against strapless/halter top/spaghetti strap dresses, but after some talks with Jesse, I see where guys are coming from. I also don't think it should become a legalistic standard, but entirely about one's heart with the Lord and desire to please God (yes, the study of Galatians is paying off :-P) Anyhow, enough rambling, enjoy the excerpt! :-)

Ladies, please don’t forget to apply these principles of modesty to formal events and weddings. In recent years, I have become increasingly grieved by the immodest dresses of both brides and bridesmaids at the weddings that I officiate. I have observed a number of young ladies in our fellowship who have dressed modestly all their lives appearing on their wedding day in extremely provocative dresses, exposing more of themselves than on any other day of their lives.

I assume the best about what is going on in the hearts of these young women. I don’t think that they went to the wedding dress shop determined to be provocative. No doubt, they just wanted a dress that would be elegant on this day that they have dreamed of all their lives. When a bride and mother set out on their expedition to find a wedding dress, they are, quite naturally, thinking like… women! Unfortunately, there is no one in the shop who is thinking like a man! I’d like to make a radical proposal, girls. Why not take your father with you to the wedding boutique? If that thought is just too much for you (or your Dad!) at least consider taking the dress out on approval and allowing your dad to see it before you make your final purchase.

Here are a couple of questions to ask yourself when shopping for a wedding or bridesmaid’s dress:

Does this dress reflect the fact that a wedding ceremony is a holy service of worship and not a fashion show?

Can I picture myself standing in this dress, for an extended period of time, just a few feet from my pastor as he opens the Word of God and leads me in my solemn vows?

For the entirety of this subject, refer to: Modesty

Some Thoughts

WOW. It's the middle of May already. I'm in my last month at UCLA. The past four years have gone by so quickly. So many beautiful memories from these years in college. Looking back, God has changed me and my plans so so so much. In about two weeks, I will start getting sentimental. In a month, one chapter of God's life for me will close. In two months, another will open. I never thought I would want to be an elementary school teacher. Yet, I will be at my dream school from four years ago, and maybe still is (UPenn). But I'll be in a different area of study (Elementary Education) than where I originally thought (Business). I will walk out of my elementary education building and see across from me, the gym (a reminder to exercise, my worst discipline), and beside me, the Wharton School of Business (a reminder of how much God has changed in my life). God is too funny.

I can see the trials ahead of me: of being away from the church that has been my safe haven for the last four years, of having to find a new church that will challenge me the way Grace Community Church has, of being in a different coast and culture, of being in super cold weather (I've been in California all my life!), of being away from my family and friends, of being in a school whose name will feed my pride. But I have God, and He is all that I will ever need, and this next year will teach me even more of what that means. And Lord-willing, I will come back to California next May stronger in my faith than I am now.

Today, I read James 1:2-4: "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." God is perfect and sovereign.